So, you’ve gone out to meet someone new.
Maybe it’s because you’re looking for a specific connection. Someone who gets what you mean when you say Red vs. Blue pioneered a whole animation genre online, or that French buttercream frosting is totally worth the extra effort when making cupcakes. We all want to have someone who gets as excited as we do over the same news.
Maybe it’s because you’ve been feeling cooped up and stuck in the same habits for too long. Meeting people is a fantastic way to open doors to new interests and experiences. Expanding your horizons while practicing vital social skills, bolstering your confidence, and braving the outside of your comfort zone? You know that’s a winning combo.
Or maybe meeting new people is old-hat, humdrum everyday for you. A fun option when nothing on Netflix seems as interesting.
No matter the motive, the initial song and dance tends to be the same every time: “How are you?” “What do you do for work?” “What do you do for fun?”
It can get a bit stale, and often simmers the conversation at the same surface-level small talk for far too long. We can leave those encounters feeling bored and disappointed at the lack of connection.
How to better connect with someone.
The biggest hack in the book is to pretend that you and the other person are already friends.
Presumptuous! But hear this out.
When you act friendly from the get-go, people find it easier to be more open with you. And by waiving away the “cautiously sniffing at each other” part of the encounter, the flow of your conversation will be much easier.
Acting as a friend will guide you towards better conversation, too. Getting to know the other person is not about fact-swapping anymore; you’ll pick those up as you go. Instead, it’s about the experiences, opinions, and ideas that surround the facts of your buddy’s life. Asking follow-up questions can be sincerely fun when you get to swap opinions over your latest projects rather than just reciting what you’ve been up to. Don’t be afraid to dive down those rabbit holes and let the conversation get away from you a little bit! You can always circle back, maybe even in the next meeting.
Being friendly can also help you open up and share a bit more in depth. Don’t worry if you’re feeling awkward, that’s a perfectly good thing to feel. Take the initiative and share some of your internal world. It’s incredibly rewarding and allows your partner to reciprocate for a much more interesting conversation.
Above all, take care to listen and invest in what you’re hearing. It’s a quality of a good friend, as well as a powerful skill that will take you far in any social situation.
At the end of the day
Friendships won’t happen instantly. But an open, interesting, personal conversation is a huge first step in that direction. If the other person is as engaged as you are, they’re probably interested in working towards being friends, too.
Try to take a moment towards the end of the conversation and examine what you’re feeling. Not too exhausted? Enjoying yourself? Have more you’d like to hear about? If so, outsmart your future, likely forgetful, self, and set up the next meeting. A path is formed one stone at a time, but you gotta actually place those rascals.
The more you go out and meet new people, the better you’ll get at it. It’s another social skill, able to be practiced and improved. And each time you put yourself out there, you’ll have better and better chances of finding someone who gets it.
It could be this next one, so go for it!
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